Musko zenski odnosi

[Mater Vetru]

Covek se nasao pred sudom, na raspravi, povodom optuzbe za delo teskog ubistva sa predumisljajem.

Sudija: - Ovde se radi o teskom deliktu, krvavom ubistvu sa predumisljajem. Optuzeni, pozivam vas da u svoju odbranu, a u cilju eventualnog ublazavanja
vase kazne, iznesete vasu odbranu i olaksavajuce okolnosti.

Optuzenik: - Bila je glupa, . morao sam je ubiti.

Sudija: - To ne smatram olaksavajucom okolnoscu. Ako ne zelite da ostatak svoga zivota provedete iza resetaka, morate naci nesto uverljivije.

Optuzenik: - Pa dobro, cenjeni sude, ... da ja ispricam kako je bilo.

Ziveli smo u jednoj zgradi. Iznad nas je zivela porodica sa dvoje dece. Bilo je stvarno zalosno, deca su bila jako niska rastom. Sin od 12 godina je bio visok svega 80 cm, a onaj stariji od 19 godina svega 85 cm. Jednog dana, u razgovoru sa svojom zenom, kazem da je to stvarno tuzno i da mi ih je zao.

Da, rece zena, . to su pirineji. Rekoh, ... mislila si pigmeji. Ne, odvrati ona, ... pigmeji su ono sto nam se nalazi pod kozom i zbog cega pocrnimo. To je pigment, ... primetih. Ne, ... pigment je bilo ono na cemu su stari rimljani
pisali. Pobogu zeno, ... to je bio pergament. Ne, pergament je kad neko procita ili prikaze samo jedan deo nekog dela. Postovani sude, verovatno pretpostavljate da vise nisam imao volje da joj objasnim da se radi o fragmentu. Otisao sam na trosed, legao i poceo citati svoje novine. Ubrzo, dodje moja zena sa knjigom u ruci, leze pored mene, ... otvori knjigu i
poce citati deo nekog teksta.

Duso, pogledaj . "Suncana terasa od rucne torbe je bila uciteljica od makroa 15." Uzeo sam knjigu, ... pogledao i rekao joj: Draga zeno, ovo je knjiga na francuskom jeziku i tu pise "La Marquise de Pompadour est la Maitresse de Louis XV", a to znaci da je Marquise da Pompadour bila ljubavnica Luja 15.
Ne, rece ona, to se mora doslovno prevoditi. La Marquise je suncana terasa, Pompadour je rucna torba, La Maitresse je uciteljica, a Louis XV je 15 makro.

I nastavi ona, ... ja to sigurno dobro znam. Nisam ja dzaba imala extra casove iz francuskog jezika i vezbe sa svojim legionarom. Rekoh, ... mislis na lektora.

Ne, lektor je jedan grcki heroj. To je bio Hektor i bio je trojanac. Ne, rece ona, Hektor je mera za povrsinu. Mera za povrsinu je hektar. Ne, hektar je bozansko pice. Zeno, nektar je bozansko pice. Nije, to je reka u juznoj Nemackoj, odvrati mi ona. Reka u juznoj Nemackoj se zove Neckar.
Ne znas ti to, jos kao mala sam pevala sa drugaricom duo o reci Nektar.
U duetu, tako si valjda htjela reci. Ne, duet je kad igraju Partizan i Zvezda.
Postovani sude, ... tada sam uzeo cekic i opalio je po glavi. Konacno je zacutala.

Sudija ce: ... Presuda, ... Optuzeni se oslobadja, ... ja bih nju vec kod Hektora opalio cekicem po glavi.

[veliborster]

Rijesio covjek da se zeni, i zali se najboljem drugu, koga smatra za kuma.....
- druze hocu da se zenim, ali neznam kako da se odlucim izmedju tri zene?
+Pa lako ti je to! Pitaj je koliko je 2+2, i vidi koja ce ti dati najbolji odgovor!!!
-U pravu si odoh

Dodje kod prve i kaze
- Koliko je 2+2?
+Kako koliko je pa 4!!!

Zadovoljan ode kod druge.

-Koliko je 2+2
+Pa to ti je 4 ali postoje neki matematicki proracuni koji kazu da dva i dva nisu bas uvijek 4, nekad se dobije 5 a nekad 8!

Zbunjen ode kod trece.
-koliko je 2+2?
+Koliko god ti kazes ljubavi moja!


Nakon 7 dana sretne kuma i prica mu sve to....
+I koju si ozenio?
-Ma Maru komsinicu!!!!
+Pa sto nju?
-Pa ima dobre sise!!!

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